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Old 15-04-2004, 11:59 AM   #1   [permalink]
sidewinder
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Just a story that i work on every once in a while now...

I started it at another forum while the boards were down and i just add another scene whenever i feel inspired to...It's not a fan fic, but i guess you could say it's rather anime-ish (and may seem very similar to a certain popular anime). It's really only a rough version for now and if it ever gets long enough, i'll go back and write it better, but what i have will do for now. If i make any mistakes, just ignore them unless they are a detriment to the story...there is a slight controversy with me and my friends over the use of the word 'ninjas' rather than 'ninja' in my story, but it's my story and I'll call 'em whatever i want so nyeh. I know basically what's going to happen in the next one or two parts, but i haven't felt like working out the details, so i'm not sure when i'll get around to writing more.

************

After journeying for several days, I happened upon a sprawling town of only a few buildings surround by an endless sea of desert. One of the buildings looked like a saloon, so I decided to detour for a drink and some rest. The dusty room was filled with whalers who paid no attention to me as I approached the bar. “What’ll it be?” the bartender asked as I took a seat at one of the barstools.
“Milk,” I replied casually, but soon noticed that my request may have seemed rather suspicious as several others turned their eyes towards me. It wasn’t a good idea to be conspicuous in a place like this, so I added, “in a pink glass.”
I barely had a chance to enjoy my drink when another stranger burst into the saloon through the swinging double doors. He seemed rather edgy and looked around nervously until his eyes caught mine. Running up to me, he fell on his knees and produced a golden medallion. “I will tell you a secret,” he said hurriedly, “this coin is actually a magical coin that will transport you to the land of unicorns and flying weasels.” With that, he dropped the coin into my hand and left as quickly as he had come.
To be continued….


I stared intently at the medallion as I flipped it around between my fingers and recalled the words of that strange person who dashed out only moments before. My memory of the incident was distant but I did recall something about transporting weasels and magical unicorns. Anyway, the medallion didn’t look magical, but at least it looked like it was worth something, so I slipped it into my pocket and left. If I had only known then what was going to happen to me later, I would have asked for a receipt.
I hadn’t gotten very far out of town when a band of ninjas jumped out of hiding and surrounded me. “Freeze,” one of them commanded, which was very difficult to do in that blazing hot desert. “Give us what we want,” he continued while pointing a finger accusingly at me. It was then that I noticed the spell he was trying to cast on me. His lips moved out of sync with his words, which was an obvious ploy to lure me into a trance that would slow my reactions, but being aware of this, I was unaffected by his mind trick.
Then I noticed the patch he wore on his chest. This was obviously a band of marauding yakuza from the vicious Kaymartte Clan “I’m sorry Roy, but I don’t know what you are talking about,” I replied coolly as I studied my assailants attentively.
“You cannot fool us,” He said angry as he pointed his finger at me again, his lips still moving in that strange way, “We know you carry the mystic orb of discerning peaches with you, now hand it over.”
His request surprised me, as I had no idea what he was talking about. “I believe you are mistaken. You have the wrong guy.”
“I think not.” His words rang with a finality that meant I was going to have to fight my way out. “If you will not cooperate, we will take it by force.” With that, the ninjas produced the deadly weapons of their trade and began to circle me. Biting down on my lip, I knew my chances were remote, but they weren’t going to take me without a fight.
Oh horrors. Tune in next time to see what happens next….

The assassins continued their deadly dance around me and their attack was only moments away, but before I could instruct them in the ways of cyborg death crane, our showdown was interrupted by a blood curdling scream from just over the horizon. The ninjas stopped where they were and exchanged glances nervously as the screaming grew nearer. A sudden realization hit one of the ninjas and he turned to Roy, “that’s the hunting call of the artic moose-fish! We must withdraw now!”
Roy defiantly held his ground against the approaching menace, but resigned himself to retreating as another howl swept over the dunes. “You haven’t seen the last of us,” he growled towards me as the ninjas hastily sped out of sight.
Then I turned towards the ear-splitting death cry of the approaching beast and braced myself for the worst, but saw something rather unexpected instead. A well-tanned man dressed only in a plaid skirt with a matching sash draped around his shoulder appeared over the hill and came in my direction. He carried a strange bag under his arm that had several sticks poking out the back and one out the front that he had in his mouth. He continued his teeth grinding wail before abruptly stopping when he reached me.
“Hello there, my name is Fernando Louise Alehandro Garcia Diego Amador Domingo Santos del Rogelio, but you may call me Fernando.” His grin lessened somewhat in disappointment when I returned his gaze with a blank look of confusion, so he added, “I’m Scottish.”
“Fernando, you say? I would have taken you for a Larry.”
“I do get that a lot.” After a brief moment of silence, he spoke again. “Well, I’ll be off then.”
I watched as he as he disappeared over the horizon with the death bag howling away under his arm, before continuing on my journey.
Well that was a close one. But wait and see what happens next….

I had traveled nearly three days since my encounter with Roy, and there had been no sign of civilization in the endless desert wasteland. Now I trudged my way through a blinding sandstorm. There was no way to tell which direction I was going, and the relentless pounding of the wind and sand almost certainly sent me far off course, but when I felt that I could not go on any longer, the storm ceased just as quickly as it had begun.
As the sands settled down, I took time to regain my composure and to search for anything that could tell me where I was. It was then that I noticed what appeared to be a lone building towards the horizon, but before I set out, I also noticed a large cloud of dust and sand rising from the desert some distance north of the building. I took some comfort, however, in the fact that, whatever monstrosity could have created a dust cloud that large; it appeared to be heading in the opposite direction of the building.
When I approached the building, all hope of finding anybody there was dashed, as this place had certainly been abandoned long ago. Nevertheless, I ventured inside and was surprisingly greeted by a strange little man wearing overalls and a straw hat. “Hello there. My name is Richard.”
“Why are you out here in the middle of nowhere, Richard?”
“Well, because I’m a lemming farmer.”
“Lemmings?”
“Ah yes,” he replied while appearing quite pleased with himself. “You don’t usually find many farms in the desert since most crops don’t grow too well here, but lemmings…lemmings are very resilient you see. You can plant them just about anywhere really.”
His claims seemed a bit strange to me since there was nothing but open desert in all directions. “So where are your lemmings?”
“Well, that’s the problem you see. That storm came along and blew all my fences away, and all my lemmings got out.”
I was disheartened by Richard’s tale of woe, but felt that much more resolute as I continued on my way.
To be continued…
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Last edited by sidewinder; 19-04-2004 at 07:59 PM.
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Old 19-04-2004, 07:59 PM   #2   [permalink]
sidewinder
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oh and i would appreciate comments
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Old 26-04-2004, 03:28 PM   #3   [permalink]
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Well, that's a little pile of nonesense, isn't it? Almost made me smile here and there, but no, it's not hilarious. You might have some abilities for naration, but it's not much use if what you narrate is so out-of-the-hat. Try thinking twice before typing, if you put some work into a story you can do some more interesting word games or actually give it a plot, which would allow you to show funny situations... Tom Green and Jackass may have MTV shows, but hat doesn't make'em worth anything.
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Old 26-04-2004, 07:35 PM   #4   [permalink]
sidewinder
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Well, at least i finally got a reply. I'm writing it like something out of the "theater of the absurd" (Eunesco for example). I even shamelessly stole a bit from Voltaire's Candide...I really want to stay away from doing stuff that I know has been done before (too bad monty python did the spanish inquisition already), but i presented it in a different way, so it's not such a big deal.
I believe the problem here is the length. The story needs more time to develop a plot. I'm not going to string together a series of completely unrelated events... there will be reoccuring themes/characters. This has even already been hinted at in the story (a couple times actually...and if the reader didn't pick up on them, then they'll become apparent as events unfold). This would become more apparent if I'd write the next few parts, but I just haven't felt like it yet.

...and, imo, tom green is very unfunny. while Jackass simply has little redeeming quality...
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Old 27-07-2005, 01:49 AM   #5   [permalink]
sidewinder
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Well with over 700 views, I suppose I better update the story. Instead of just reposting it all over the place, you can read it here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/9172360/

As I stated in my Journal Entry, I'm not entirely happy with the material, but it does get the highlights and conveys the story well enough. I intend to actually have Jack start his story, but I just can't seem to get it right. I need the right sort of insane inspiration to write it the way I want it, but that just hasn't happened. My narration is lacking as well...I'm just not getting the story across the way I want it. That'll have to change for the next part because great narration is absolutely crucial if I want to pull it off right.

So instead of dwelling on all the little details and getting nothing done like I always do, I just posted what I have so I can move on. If I ever get far enough along, I intend to overhaul the story anyway.
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Old 15-12-2005, 01:08 AM   #6   [permalink]
Shinobi X
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Don't have time right now but I'll read it one day okay. As long as I can remember and remember who was the one who wrote it.
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